Philip Dampier's Blog

Three days later an automobile pulled up and parked beside the concrete wall. The driver opened the door but did not get out of the car. Although her face was in shadow, it was easy to tell she was sad. There was something about how she turned away from the sun and rested the weight of her hands on the steering wheel, something about her silent composure that caused Hannah to sigh. The young girl watched the driver lean out of the car and stretch her hand towards one of the burned out candles.

Then, much to Hannah’s surprise, the lady stepped out of the car and picked up the small teddy bear that Hannah had come to retrieve for Maize. Hannah did not think at all but yelled out, terror in her voice.

“Stop. That’s not your bear, it’s Toby’s bear, and I’m taking it to his grandmother.”

The woman, looked up, startled. She was not aware anyone was around. She did not want to be seen nor did she did want to explain why she was taking the bear. She looked at the young girl, kissed the bear on its head and put it back where it had been sitting. Without a word or another look, she got back into her car and put it in gear. Hannah ran up to the green bench and grabbed the bear. Once she was on her bike, she peddled as fast as she could to Toby’s house.

Hannah clutched the teddy bear to her chest, and once she caught her breath, the words couldn’t come out fast enough.

“A lady tried to take Toby’s bear, but I got it and brought it to you,” Hannah said.

“What lady? What are you talking about, child?” asked Maize.

“A lady in a car. She picked up the bear, and I yelled at her, and she put it down and then she drove off, and I got the bear.”

“Describe her to me, Hannah.”

“She was young, like my mother. She was…”

“She was what?”

“She looked like Toby. She had Toby’s face.”

The woman with Toby’s face drove around for a while rather than going to her motel room. She needed to think about what she was going to do. She had never meant for this to happen, never. It was obvious that her life was headed for the bottom and she felt powerless to stop it. As bad as it had been, this was even worse. She thought her past was buried and she never would have agreed to come to Southern City if she had known such a horrific event would occur.

One thing for sure, she had to find out if her fears were true or not. She had to confront RaQuen and make him tell her the truth. She had learned to ignore the voice of her conscience when she walked away from Southern City over ten years ago. Alcohol and drugs had helped, but today she was sober. She should have never agreed to come back. If she had refused, Toby would still be alive. She was certain of that.

The constant need for drugs brought them to the site of her own birth and childhood. RaQuen had connections there, a middleman supplier; all they needed was some additional cash to finish the deal. Once they had the drugs, they would go back to Birmingham and double their money. She had waited in the cheap motel while RaQuen had set out in search of some cash. It never occurred to her that the cash would come from her uncle and not only result in his death but in the death of her son as well.

True, she had not seen Toby since leaving him in the hospital ten years earlier. She had not seen her uncle or her mother either, for that matter. Now, two of the three members of her family were dead, and in a way, it was her fault. She thought she could have managed it if not for the small brown teddy bear. The little bear exposed a hole in her memory. When she saw it sitting on the faded green bench, the dam of emotion broke; the experience of buying the bear for her only child came flooding into her heart. Holding his bear, even for a few seconds, completely undid her.